FLESH EATING TERMITES
ATTACK
CAMPERS AT RED RIVER GORGE
A new strain of termites, not the
normal wood eating variety, but flesh eating termites, has been discovered at
Red River Gorge. Dry Ridge Kentucky native, James "DogStar" Rattley
found this out in very painful fashion when they invaded his campsite.
"Some dude told me when I was setting up my tent that I had better move. There was an old dead tree right by there, and he told me there would be bugs. I laughed him off. It's the great outdoors, so of course there will be some bugs, man, but then those termites showed up in about five minutes. They didn't touch the firewood, but they jumped me and my pal Moonie and started biting. They broke the skin, and drew blood! We ran, but Moonie tripped on a tree limb that fell, and they swarmed on him!"
Bertram "Moonie" Smith was completely
devoured by the ravenous swarm of insects. Nothing but bones remained behind.
How widespread this new variety of termite has gotten is not yet known, but
their point of origin seems to be near Red River Gorge. Dr. Thomas Natchez of
The Center for the Institute of Studies had this to say about the
phenomenon. "Years of unregulated chemical dumping probably mutated the
genes of the termites. That alone did not create this problem. New Dawn Biotech
built a series of greenhouses here as a proving ground for a genetically
engineered meat that grows on trees. (CLICK HERE FOR THAT
STORY) They had the best of intentions: Producing meat without cruelty to
animals, but when some of the trees died, they attracted these termites, and
they discovered that they like flesh and blood better than wood!"
New Dawn Biotech's entire plantation was soon gone, and the company went to a great effort to cover it up, but Dr. Natchez found out, and contacted THE UNCOVEROR. We thought something was bound to go wrong with Treemeat, and now it has!
Several insecticide experts, Including representatives from the five largest commercial exterminators in the world have been called in to deal with these new termites. They are immune to all insecticides that have been tested so far, and are not attracted to conventional termite baits. "This may be the worst insect related disaster since Africanized or 'Killer' bees!" says Dr. Jorge Ramirez, Chemical engineer at Brandine University. "If we can't find a solution soon, I don't know what can save this popular tourist area, and they may have already spread!"
We will keep you posted as this story develops. Once again, a cover up has been thwarted by THE UNCOVEROR. You found out the easy way, unlike DogStar and Moonie.