HOW THE CUBS GOAT CURSE WAS BROKEN
By Colleen Smith, Staff Reporter
I was really surprised to see the Chicago Cubs win it all this year. After all, they were supposed to be cursed, and had not even been there since the curse was put on them in 1945. Back then, William "Billy Goat" Sianis who owned The Billy Goat Tavern wanted to bring his mascot, a live billy goat named Murphy, into Wrigley Field with him. They were kicked out because, in the words of Cubs owner P.K. Wrigley "The goat stinks". Sianis became enraged and cursed his once beloved Cubs. Not only would they lose the 1945 World Series to the Detroit Tigers, but they would never be back to it. Never, until 2016 that is.
I wanted to learn more about what made this possible, so I contacted my favorite expert in the supernatural and paranormal, famed New Orleans psychic Madame Sophia LaRoque. She explained how it was made possible.
"A very powerful curse was broken this year. The reason it had been so powerful was because of the goat." She explained that if William Sianis had owned a dog, a pig or just about any kind of other animal, his curse would have been weak. Goats, however, have frightfully strong negative mojo. That is why they are so often used in black magic.
"That goat's dark power summoned the black cat that served as a portent of their downfall in 1969. Unseen forces assisted the upstart San Diego Padres in 1984. A ghost the curse had conjured whispered into the ear of Steve Bartman in 2003 to reach out and grab for a priceless souvenir." She told me that the curse started to weaken when parts of Wrigley Field were razed for renovations. The bleachers where Sianis and Murphy The Goat would have been were among those torn down. The negative waves that had afflicted the team since that year emanated from that point.
I was surprised to hear it was that simple, but why couldn't it have happened in 2015 as predicted in Back To The Future II? Madame LaRoque then told me that the renovations were not all there was to it. "As I told you, the negative waves were weakened, but not gone. They were enough to assure the New York Mets would win the pennant in 2015, but I felt two sources of dark energy when looking at news footage of the NLCS. I consulted my peers on the Metaphysical Pipeline to confirm it." What is that?", I asked. "It is a strictly by invitation only online forum for the clairvoyant and spell-casting community. Membership is strictly controlled to keep charlatans, wannabes and curious onlookers out. It is on what some call the 'dark web'. No one will get to the Metaphysical Pipeline through Google or Yahoo. You need Tor to use it. Anyway, I confirmed that there is a hex on the Los Angeles Dodgers. Many fans who used to be able to watch them on TV, but can't now due to their contract with Time Warner Cable are angry. Some cast a spell to punish the Dodgers organization for their greed. Between the weakening goat curse, and the fresh Dodgers hex, it was possible for the Cubs to reach the Fall Classic, but that was not the end of the story.
When the Cubs went down to the Cleveland Indians three games to one, many must have suspected that the curse was still in force. Proof came in the eight inning of game seven. "Catcher David Ross, who was soon to retire due to a history of concussions, had a wild pitch bounce and hit him square in the face! He became dizzy and fell trying to retrieve the errant ball. Two runs scored on a single wild pitch. The announcers said that last time such a thing had happened in The Series was a game between the New York Giants and the Philadelphia Athletics. This was undeniably the curse at work. I watched that game live and saw the ghostly image of a goat on the screen as the ball struck Ross!"
That wild pitch had tied the game, and Cleveland seemed poised to win. The game was not decided in regulation, and extra innings would be required. At that point it began to rain. It turns out, this was the key. "Water has amazing cleansing properties in the natural world, as well as the supernatural. Nearly all faith systems employ it. The sacred river Ganges in Hinduism, the Mikveh ritual bath in Judaism, Baptism and Holy Water in Christianity are only a few examples. The most potent forms of water's blessed cleansing come from freely flowing streams, and the rain. Rain washed away the dark power that had been the bane of the Chicago Cubs, and they won. That was the end of the goat's curse."
There you have it. Between the teardown of the outfield bleachers at Wrigley Field, a conflicting curse against the Los Angeles Dodgers, and a downpour of rain, the timing of which seemed nearly miraculous, the Chicago Cubs are the 2016 World Series Champions. My father and brothers are beside themselves with disgust. They are White Sox fans.