You may have heard of the Whopper and the Whopper Junior, but a new sandwich is on the horizon at the nation's number three burger chain, one they hope could get them back into the number two position ahead of rival, Wendy's. They may even have their sights on industry leader, McDonald's. Unlike their competitors under the golden arches, Burger King says they will target folks in their golden ages.
"A lot of senior citizens have a hard time eating fast food," said Bill Stickers, a spokesman at Burger King's corporate offices. "It has to be chewed and chewed. This is a problem for many who have gaps between their teeth and or ill-fitting dentures. Crunchy foods are especially a pain. We have a solution: The Whopper Senior. We have developed a very soft bun that we will steam, not toast. The patty will be made of a puree of meat and beans held together with gelatin. It will be very soft. I addition, the lettuce and tomato if the customer wants them have been blended and liquefied into a paste to avoid any annoying crunchiness. Even the cheese is specially formulated to not require chewing." He went on to add that the flavor had been changed as well. Gone is anything resembling spice. Instead, the Whopper Senior will have a bland and inoffensive taste to avoid upsetting anyone's stomach.
I asked him about the fries. "They are certainly crisp and crunchy, aren't they?" I asked. Stickers told me that they had solved this problem as well. In the future, all their fryers will be lowered in temperature, which will require a longer time to cook, but will result in a soft mushy product that will not be a problem for people with missing teeth or dentures any more. We call them Easy Fries. He even told me that drinkable fries were in development. "We are working on a French fry slurry with the consistency of a shake that our customers can drink like one, or eat with a spoon. It involves adding ketchup, salt, and a fry-like flavoring to mashed potatoes that have been well crushed to eliminate any lumps, and well watered so that they go down easily." At that, I was tempted to make a joke about biting off more than you can chew, but decided it would probably not go down well, so I let him have the last word.
"We are excited about our new recipes," he told me. "We have a new ad slogan for them: New at Burger King! The Whopper Senior and Easy Fries. It's not just greasy kid's stuff!"