BUSH WILL NOMINATE JUDGE WAPNER TO SUPREME COURT
By Colleen Smith, staff reporter
Now that Justice Sandra Day O'Connor has announced her retirement from the US Supreme Court, speculation as to who will replace her is rampant. Many are sure that he will nominate an ultra-rightist, and that democrats in the Senate will fight him. There is a lot of doubt as to whether the seat will be filled by the first Monday in October when the high court convenes. According to White House aide Jeffery Mathers, who spoke with me over cocktails at a D.C. area bar, the newest Supreme Court Justice will be someone we will all recognize. Judge Joseph A. Wapner of The People's Court and Animal Court Fame is President Bush's first choice.
"The President is convinced that everybody likes Judge Wapner," said Mathers. "The President says that those commie pinko hippie liberal democrats in the Senate wouldn't dare say no to Wapner because he is popular, and that Wapner would do what the president says, because President Bush nominated him.
I asked my source, who always tells me things if I get a few drinks in him and flirt a little, if the president had considered Wapner's advancing age. He is over 80 years old, and only started doing TV after retiring from the bench in real life. Mathers replied that someone had brought that up, and was promptly dressed down by Karl Rove and Dick Cheney for "back talk". "Anyone who has been at this White House long knows you don't tell the president he is wrong. You don't even think it! This guy was new. After a long and uncomfortable silence, President Bush said that if Wapner turns him down, He will ask Judge Judy.