CHARLES REGRETS NOT BEING ABLE TO KILL REPORTERS

by Arthur Howard Leicestershire, London correspondent

Today while on skiing holiday in Switzerland with his two sons, they and Prince Charles took a moment for the customary photo opportunity. You might expect Royals on holiday to be bright and chipper, but Charles was clearly irritated. He even tried the expression seen here, a mimic of U.S. President George W. Bush, to try to make the paparazzi go away. Even William and Harry did not look their usual cheerful selves.

Prince Charles was overheard muttering something after an exchange about his impending nuptials. As you have probably heard or read by now, he muttered "These bloody people. I can't bear that man. I mean, he's so awful, he really is ... I hate these people." I personally overheard him saying more. No other news outlet has dared to report it, but after the photo op was over, and most reporters had left, he went on to say. "I wish I could lock those bloody hog-faced twits in The Tower of London like we did in the good old days. I will ask mum. Maybe she will let me have them beheaded. A few heads on pikes will teach them to show some respect!"

It seems clear that Charles is tired of being asked about his soon to be wife, Camilla Parker Bowles and the problems he has had with arrangements for their marriage, but honestly! Can we be blamed because we all loved Diana so? Can we help but note that Camilla is no more Princess or Queen material than Wallis Simpson? Perhaps his rant about putting us all in the tower, or our heads on pikes was meant only in jest. If this is so, we now understand where young Harry got his sick sense of fashion and humor.

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