U.S. President George W. Bush has responded to Pope John Paul II's condemnation of any war against Iraq by declaring himself the Pope, and excommunicating John Paul II.

"I talk to Jesus every day, and he is angry that John Paul II does not support our Holy Crusade against Saddam. The Lord has declared me the supreme leader of all Christendom, his vicar on earth. My first act as leader of all Christians, or as mackerel snappers say, 'The Pope', is to cast out John Paul II. He is not a true Christian, and his apostasy cannot be tolerated any longer. As Jesus himself said in Mark 6:11, 'Any city that doesn't receive the followers of Jesus will be destroyed in a manner even more savage than that of Sodom and Gomorrah.' This is what we must do to Baghdad. John Paul II even went as far as to say 'It is the duty of all believers, to whichever religion they belong, to proclaim that we can never be happy pitted one against the other.' That was just enough! He even called for prayers for peace on March 5. We Christians are the one true religion, and fighting a Holy Crusade against Muslims, the most heathenistic of all heathens, is how the Battle of Armageddon must unfold."

When The Uncoveror asked Bush when Jesus had handed him the keys to the kingdom, he replied, "It was three nights ago. I made sure it really was Jesus, and not a dream by asking Jerry Falwell, Orel Roberts, Jack Van Impe and Pat Robertson how to recognize Christ. All the signs they mentioned were there. He spoke perfect American English with no foreign accents. He had blond hair, blue eyes, fair skin, and was six foot four. He told me that I was proceeding on the right path."

The Uncoveror also asked Bush why he was ignoring North Korea, when they definitely have nukes, missiles that can deliver them, are making more, and seem willing to use them. He said, "It is simple. North Korea is no threat. They will not be involved in the end of the world, because the Korean Peninchula (sic) is not mentioned in the Book of Revelations. Iraq, however, is Babylon. The scriptures make it clear that Babylon must be destroyed, and I will destroy it! Soon, those of us who are saved will fly up into the sky to meet Jesus in the Rapture. The rest of you will have to stay here and endure the Tribulation. If the Bible doesn't make it clear enough for you what that means, read the Left Behind series, or watch the fine set of videos Reverend Falwell is selling"

He went on to say, "I want all who are saved to know that the Apocalypse we have been praying for every day is almost here, so rejoice, and shout Hallelujah! We were all sad when the end of the world did not happen at the Millennium like it was supposed to. That was because Bill Clinton, that wretched sinner, abused his position as leader of the free world, and refused to start the battle of Armageddon. I am ready and willing to do as God has decreed. We want our Armageddon, and we want it now! Rest assured that it will happen this year. May God continue to bless the United States of America.