BUSH CALLS FOR RETURN TO MOON

President Bush recently stated that he would like to see America return to the moon. Many have wondered why he would call for such a thing when we have already been there and done that, it would cost billions, and we have a federal budget deficit. He spoke to us recently in the hope of silencing his critics. His statement on this subject is an Uncoveror exclusive.

My fellow Americans, I would like to see the United States of America return to the moon. There are some who feel that this is not necessary, and have chosen to criticize me. I would like to take this time to answer my critics. Since the most ancient of times, mankind has desired to travel to the moon, and possess the green cheese it is made of. I think that no one nation should have that green cheese unless that nation is the United States of America. Down here on earth, we have yellow cheese, white cheese, and even blue cheese, but green cheese can only be found up there.

We must realize that we are not the only nation in space. Russia, The European Space Agency, Japan, and even China have space programs. All of them are aiming for our moon. If we pass on this wonderful opportunity, then they could seize control of the green cheese. Can you imagine what it would be like if Red China controlled all the green cheese? My fellow Americans, let us make sure that this doesn't happen. 

Imagine if you will that the United States was the world's only supplier of green cheese. The whole world would have to come to us for green cheese salad dressing, green cheese for pizza, green cheese for cheeseburgers, and even green cheese for chili cheese dogs. This single commodity could eliminate our trade deficit. It will not cost us billions; It will make us billions, but only if we act now. The small amounts of the cheese brought back by the Apollo program are long since gone.

Naturally, we will need advanced new space weapons for our astronauts like phasers and light sabers, as the Amazon Women on the Moon will undoubtedly put up fierce resistance. They may even be developing weapons of mass destruction. They could drop nucular bombs on us like malcontentious little children throwing rocks at cars off an overpass. Without control of the invaluable green cheese, those evil-doers, the Amazon Women on the Moon will never be able to threaten us in this manner. 

God bless green cheese, and God bless the United States of America.

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