Coal is a key part of the United States' energy supply, as so many of the power plants that provide our electricity burn it. The consequences could be dire if the transportation of coal from the mines to power plants was halted. Barges on the Ohio River, and other estuaries are the quickest and most efficient way coal is conveyed. A recently captured Al Qaeda detainee claims that Osama Bin Laden has developed a plan to stop the flow of the Ohio River and halt the barges in their tracks.
We acquired a partial transcript of his interrogation from the AP news wire. He said that his terrorist cohorts would "fill your Ohio River with jello, and congeal the waters. Your barges will be held in place. Your power plants will have no coal, and your cities will grow dark and cold."
The Uncoveror has learned that for many months now, consumers have complained that stores all over the country have been running low on the popular dessert product. The name brands, and the house brands are both in short supply. Considering this information, the detainee's story may not be just an idle threat.
We contacted Doctor Richard Payne of Brandine University, and asked him how much jello it would take to congeal the Ohio River. He laughed at this question for several minutes, and did not answer. When it was pointed out to him by our managing editor that an Al Qaeda prisoner had revealed a plot to do just this, stopping barge traffic and crippling coal-burning power plants, he told us he would have to crunch some numbers. He called us back an hour later, and said that it would take "lots and lots". In the mean time, he suggested that all Americans take steps to prevent this from happening. "If we all get out to the stores, and buy all the jello they have, the terrorists will never be able to get enough to stop up the river. Don't buy just the name brands, also buy the house brands, unflavored gelatin, fruit pectin, all of it." He insisted that this is one time we can all make a difference, and personally contribute to homeland security. He then told us he was going to buy some jello, and hung up. We will keep you posted as this story develops. You read it here first.