He Likes Me -- Doesn't He?
By Simon Oaks,
Author of Will
Marry for Food, Sex, and Laundry: How to Get Him
-- and How to Keep Him
Times have changed. The days of Rhett Butler telling Scarlett O'Hara he
didn't give a damn are long gone. That's a shame in some ways. At least
it made dating simple. Nowadays, guys try to be considerate in an
attempt to not hurt your feelings. His miscues make it hard to know
whether he's really into you, just wants to be friends or would love for
you to switch phone plans. While words might not be his strong point,
his actions are. Keep an eye out for these kinds of behavior.
Okay, he's doing his part, but what about you? You've got
him wrapped around your little finger, but don't get cocky. You can
lose him in the blink of an eye with a few classic screw-ups.
- He actively takes an interest in you and what you
have to say. He's not just nodding and smiling and checking his
watch every five minutes like you're trying to sell him life
insurance. There's eye contact. He's actively listening. He's
asking questions, relating things you say to his own experiences.
If he's really good, he'll remember something you said and
incorporate it in a future date. Try not to act too surprised.
- He's forthcoming. He wants you to know about him.
This manifests itself in a bunch of ways. He'll share personal
details about himself. He'll even be eager to cough up basic
factoids such phone numbers, his address and place of work. If he
isn't giving up this kind of info, then he doesn't want you tracking
him down -- or he's Batman or Superman. So if he doesn't live at
Wayne Manor or the Fortress of Solitude, give it up.
- He'll mark his territory. He won't pee on you or
anything per se, but he will exhibit some animal behavior. If he's
decided he wants you as his female, he won't want to lose you. If
there's any chance that you might be snapped up by another male,
he'll stake his claim. He'll be tactile with you, slipping an arm
around you, possibly posturing and standing up when another guy
walks onto the scene. Watch out for some regression to a more
primitive man. If you hear grunting, don't panic. It's his way of
saying he likes you.
- He calls you back. Despite the stereotype, he will call you
back. If you're a girl in demand, he won't want you to be the one
that got away, so he'll call you to set up the next date or ask how
you're doing. If you're getting calls for no reason, that's a good
thing. However, you may want to invest in a good phone plan.
- He'll check you out. You'll bring out his spy skills in a good
way. He'll talk to your friends to get the 411 on you. He wants to
know more about you -- your past, your present, your likes and
dislikes, water hazards, etc. He's doing his homework because he
wants to impress you. He's gathering this intelligence so he knows
how best to woo you.
- He's flirtatious. Guys get playful around women they like.
It's a little dance he's doing around you to show his interest and
his daring. However, he's not just being flirty, he's also
probing. He's putting on a little show for you to see if you'll
reciprocate. The more you play, the more he stays. Now shake that
- He's always planning ahead. If he digs you, he won't want you
getting away from him. To make sure you aren't prey to some other
guy, he'll be making plans for the next date before the current one
is over. A full calendar is a good sign.
- He's attentive. He's been listening to you, and knows what you
like and where you like to go. He treats you to your favorite
things and places. He'll spring surprises.
- He'll blow off his buddies to be with you. It's always tricky
managing existing commitments with burgeoning relationships. There
are bound to be conflicts of interest at the some point. So take it
as a good sign when he'll ditch going out with the boys to see you
- Acts of selflessness. He'll take one for the team of you and
him. These can be large or small acts. They can be as small as
holding your hair back for when you've got stomach flu, or as large
as suffering through a Celine Dion concert and pretend he's enjoying
it because you're a fan. Now “that's the power of love.”
- False Advertising. I understand that we all want to
impress a potential new partner. It's in our DNA. Only the fittest
survive and only the most interesting get dates. So make yourself
interesting, but please don't pretend to be someone you're not.
Don't say you were a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader if you weren't.
Don't tell him you're a party girl when you're a bookworm. This is
a double whammy. First, he'll be POed because he believed your
character enhancements. Second, you're not the person he's looking
for. If he wants the party girl and you're a bookworm, how long do
you think that's going to last? Keep it real, ladies.
- You get jealous for no reason. Okay, your previous
guy cheated on you. That's a shame, but not all guys are wired the
same. So, if your current guy hasn't done anything wrong, then give
him the benefit of the doubt. Not even the Dalai Lama is going to
put up with being accused of cheating or having you check up on him
every five minutes.
- The Princess Complex. You've got a nice little thing going on
with him, but suddenly it's all about you and not about the two of
you. Who died and made you queen?
- Letting yourself go. You were a dynamite package with you two
starting dating, but the backless cocktail dresses and Jimmy Choos
have been replaced by moo-moos and flip-flops. Just because you've
hooked your dream guy doesn't mean you can take your foot off the
gas. If you don't care about your appearance, don't expect him to.
- Taking it too fast. It's easy to get carried away with that guy
in your life. You want to be with him every minute of the day, you
think you should move in together and a summer wedding would be
wonderful. That's all super -- as long as he's just as keen. If he
sees you streaking ahead of him, he'll be making a U-turn, so watch
your speed, Danica.
Copyright © 2009 Simon Oaks author of Will
Marry for Food, Sex, and Laundry: How to Get Him -- and How to Keep Him
author of Will
Marry for Food, Sex, and Laundry: How to Get Him -- and How to Keep Him, is
a California transplant from England, who swore he'd remain single for
life. But now this former racecar driver turned writer is a bachelor
turned husband, and is letting the women out there know the secrets
behind making a man commit. He's been happily married now for ten years
to his American wife, Julie. The two live together in Richmond, CA.