MCDONALDS TO RENAME FRENCH FRIES "LIBERTY POTATOES"

France has been vehemently against the Bush administration's designs for war with Iraq, saying that inspections are making progress, and must be given time to work. French President Jacques Chirac has threatened to veto any new UN resolution authorizing a war. "There is no need for a second resolution today," said Chirac, "which France would have no choice but to oppose." In response to his intransigence, there is a growing backlash against all things French. A Pennsylvania State Representative named Steve Barrar has proposed banning the sale of French wine within his state, and McDonalds has proposed renaming French fries "liberty potatoes."

"Potatoes aren't French," said Spokesman Peter James, "not only that, but the French weren't even first to cut potatoes into shoestring slices and fry them, so why should we continue to let those ingrates, and cowards take credit for one of America's favorite Foods? We're changing the name so they can't. That will show them who is boss. God bless America!" He went on to say, "We saved their asses from the Nazis, and they owe us a debt! They should do whatever we ask of them. As President Bush said, you are either with us, or with the terrorists. If they won't help us take out Saddam, maybe the French are with the terrorists, and we should attack them, too." He also said that McDonalds will not enforce their trademark rights to the term, "liberty potatoes." He hopes that Burger King, Wendy's, and all restaurants that serve shoestring fried potatoes will adopt it. 

When asked about the anti-France backlash, Jacques Chirac denied that he, or his countrymen are anti-American. He said this about his native France: "It's a true friend of the United States and always has been. It is not France's role to support dictatorial regimes in Iraq or anywhere else. Nor do we have any differences over the goal of eliminating Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction. For that matter, if Saddam Hussein would only vanish, it would without a doubt be the biggest favor he could do for his people and for the world. But we think this goal can be reached without starting a war.  I've known the U.S. for a long time. I visit often, I've studied there, worked as a forklift operator for Anheuser-Busch in St. Louis and as a soda jerk at Howard Johnson's. I've hitchhiked across the whole United States; I even worked as a journalist and wrote a story for the New Orleans Times-Picayune on the front page. I know the U.S. perhaps better than most French people, and I really like the United States. I've made many excellent friends there, I feel good there. I love junk food, and I always come home with a few extra pounds. I've always worked and supported transatlantic solidarity. When I hear people say that I'm anti-American, I'm sad not angry, but really sad.

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