CULT WORSHIPS ELVIS PRESLEY AS GOD
A new religion is springing up
throughout America, and in other parts of the world. Mainstream faiths dismiss
it as a cult, but the numbers of its faithful are growing. The Presleyite
Disciples, who are also sometimes called, “Elvites”, worship Elvis as their
god. We spoke to a Minister of the
Presleyite Disciples about his belief system.
“It has been twenty five years since our Lord and Savior, Elvis Presley, ascended into heaven. He is now sitting on his holy throne, looking down upon us.” Our reporter asked him if he was joking, and he insisted that he was perfectly serious. He went on to tell THE UNCOVEROR more about his cult, and their rituals.
“I was one of the original twelve who witnessed the vision of Elvis. On the first anniversary of The King’s passing, we gathered together at Graceland. We were the first, and last, tour group ever to be allowed upstairs. As we shared our stories of how he remembered him, we began to weep. A woman named Jessica exclaimed ‘Elvis! If only you were here with us, we could’…” He explained that before she could finish, a strong wind blew into the room, a haze formed in front of them that brightened to a blinding light, then The King appeared before them.
“Thank you, Thank you,” he said. “Don’t cry all the time, like you ain’t nothing but a hound dog. I am here.” We were overcome with a feeling of joy as he spoke to us again, saying, “I am The King. I have heard your voices crying out. I did not die one year ago, I returned home to heaven, where I was since the beginning, and will be until the end. Earth was not yet ready to receive me. I want you twelve to make them ready. Go to all the world and tell them that Elvis is Lord. Tell them that all their pain and sorrow can be washed away, if they will accept Elvis as their Lord and Savior, and follow me. You will lead my disciples, and make the world ready to receive me.” A bright light formed around him, and he began to fade into it. We started to weep again, but he waved goodbye, saying “Don’t you cry. I’ll be back again someday.”
“Our faith was founded that day, and we began to perform our rituals. He was the hunk-a hunk-a burnin’ love in that bush speaking to Moses. It was he who performed all miracles. We keep a small handgun near the TV whenever we watch to strike with wrath and mighty vengeance should it offend us, as he did. We wear costumes to appear as he did, and we recite The Holy Trinity.”
I asked him what the Holy Trinity was, and he replied, “Dixie, The Battle Hymn of the Republic, and Hush Little Baby. We want all the world to hear our message. Are you lonesome tonight? Is your life all shook up? You can check out of the Heartbreak Hotel if you accept Elvis as your Lord and Savior. No Elvis, no peace. Know Elvis, know peace. In his memory, all Elvite women wear the cotton panties he enjoyed seeing on his female fans, and all of us eat peanut butter and banana sandwiches.”
I asked him how he felt about his organization being called a cult. He told me, “A cult is just what closed-minded people call a religion they don’t like. A small new religion is called a cult, and a large established cult is called a religion. To gain respect as an official religion, we are all putting “Presleyite Disciple" on our census forms under religion. Star Wars devotees have forced Congress to recognize Jedi as a real religion by doing this, and Elvites can, too.”
As strange as it may seem, the Elvites are not the only Elvis cult. There is also The First Church of Jesus Christ, Elvis. They even have a website. Many people have a big problem with these groups. THE UNCOVEROR spoke to James Parsons, a man who knew Elvis while he was alive, and detests these Elvis Cults. “Elvis is dead. Let him rest, and by the way, Elvis did not like being called The King. He said that there is only one king, The King of Kings. He was a simple musician, and a religious man who would find the idolatry of the Presleyite Disciples and the rest of them highly offensive and troubling. I’ll bet that this whole thing is just a money grab like Scientology. Look at all the suckers that scam has taken!”
He told us that Elvis’ music touched and
moved many people, and it is good that we remember him, but many fans obsession
with him today borders on necrophilia. He also does not like Elvis
impersonators. “Those idiots with their big hair wigs that look nothing like
Elvis’ hair, and those ridiculous sunglasses that Elvis did not wear are not a
tribute. They are making fun of him. It’s so disrespectful! Elvis was not a
buffoon. These impersonators are buffoons.”
We will continue to investigate this story. The Elvites, may indeed be a money grab scam. Many con men have observed that an effective way to get rich quick is to invent a religion. One thing is certain; people’s devotion to Elvis is not going away. They gathered at Graceland, and braved pouring rain to observe the twenty-fifth anniversary of his passing. Many of the people who gathered were reciting The Lord’s Prayer. In twenty years, they may be reciting The King’s Prayer.