ELMO BUSTED FOR SMUGGLING METH
By Ben Radstein, staff reporter
Sesame Street's Elmo has been caught doing something that no true children's role model would ever do: smuggling methamphetamine into Colorado from California. The little red miscreant was among 19 muppets in custody and two who are still at large, authorities said. They are assumed to be armed and dangerous. Agents seized more than 45 pounds of what they described as nearly pure meth worth about a million dollars on the street. After arriving in Colorado, the drugs may have been distributed all over the country had they not been intercepted. The muppets were hiding the junk in their butts.
What is really shocking about this case is that most methamphetamine sold on the street is only 30 to 40 percent pure. This meth, which officials suspect was made in Mexico was about 99 percent pure, unlike Corona beer which is frequently found to be tainted by inspectors. Jeffrey D. Sweetin, special agent in charge of the federal Drug Enforcement Administration's Rocky Mountain Region said "I've never seen a meth arrest have more impact than this one,"
Another agent told us, "When we slapped the cuffs on the little bastard, he shouted 'that tickles! hee hee hee hee!' and began to twitch and wiggle violently. He was obviously hopped up on something. Elmo is a bad muppet, a very bad muppet. He should be ashamed of himself!"