MICHAEL EISNER TO RENAME DISNEY
A lot has happened since we first interviewed Disney CEO
Michael Eisner in 2002, and learned of his shocking plans. As he predicted, Roy Disney, the nephew of Walt Disney
and the last of his relatives at the company he founded, is out. Eisner and his
yes-men claim that he won't be re-nominated to the Board of Directors because he
is 73, and mandatory retirement is at age 72. This is nonsense. He is out
because he stood in the way of Michael Eisner's diabolical designs. Roy Disney
isn't the only one leaving. Stanley P. Gold, also a member of the board and
Eisner critic is out. Here is a link to Roy
Disney's resignation letter, and Stanley
Gold's Resignation letter. Has Eisner turned the Magic Kingdom into an evil
empire? That is the picture these letters paint. The Uncoveror saw this coming.
We are saddened, but not surprised.
Here is the original article from last year:
The Uncoveror recently interviewed Michael Eisner, CEO of The Walt Disney
Company. Our intention was to grill him about his labor practices, and lawsuits
against daycare centers for the use of Disney characters. We got much more
than we bargained for.
Uncoveror: We would like to know more about some accusations your
critics have made about they way you run Disney. Specifically, we want to
know if it is true that your company pays workers in sweatshops as little as six
cents per hour. We also would like to know more about your lawsuits over
the use of Disney characters, such as the ones against day care centers.
Eisner: We have had some grousing from employees about low pay, and
I will talk about the ways we protect our intellectual property, but let's
not talk about that now. I want to tell you about my plans for the future.
I made this company what it is today, and will continue to make it bigger,
and more financially successful. The first thing I am going to do is rename
Disney The Michael Eisner Corporation.
Uncoveror: The Disney name is possibly the most recognized trademark
on the globe. Your name is not that well known. Don't you think that this
move will diminish your market presence?
Eisner: When I first took Disney over in 1984, the company was in
the dumps, and bleeding money. I personally turned it into a money machine.
Aladdin, The Lion King, the Toy Story movies: you can thank me for all of
them. It was my creative vision that made them hits. Why should my company
still have some dead man's name on it?
Uncoveror: So, Walt Disney is indeed dead? It is commonly believed that
he is cryogenically frozen in Snow White's Castle.
Eisner: That cryonic chamber was costing me millions to maintain,
so I pulled the plug on it, and auctioned it off. I donated the old man's
carcass to science.
Uncoveror: I can't believe you! How could you do such a thing. What's
next, are you going to kill off Mickey Mouse?
Eisner: I will do with my property as I see fit, whether tangible
or intellectual. I am keeping the mouse. He's mine, and I make a lot of money
from him. A few schools and day care centers thought they could just paint
Mickey on the wall without paying me, so I sued them. Someone told me that
the mouse would go public domain by 2004, and then I wouldn't be able to
sue day care centers any more, so I sent my lobbyists to Congress, and got
the Sonny Bono Copyright extension passed. It is good to have members of
Congress in your pocket, such as Fritz Hollings, Howard Berman, and Howard
Coble. They do whatever Jack Valenti and I say. Being a billionaire has its
Uncoveror: Mickey Mouse is a cultural icon. He is known throughout
the world. You did not create him, Walt Disney did. Since Walt is gone, why
shouldn't Mickey Mouse be in the public domain? It disturbs many people to
hear you call him your property. They feel Mickey Mouse belongs to all the
Eisner: I don't give a damn what some commie subversives think. The
mouse is mine! To clearly demonstrate this fact, I will be changing his name
to Mikey Mouse, after me.
Uncoveror: This decision cannot be popular. What have your employees
said about it?
Eisner: Everyone in the boardroom cheered me on. There have been
some rumblings about this at lower levels, but the whiners, like that
old codger Roy Disney, will be fired. There is no room here for anyone
who doesn't "get it" that I am the boss.
Uncoveror: Well! I am completely taken aback. No more Mickey Mouse,
he's now Mikey Mouse. I still need to ask about the workers in sweatshops
you are allegedly paying pennies on the hour to, and the workers whom you
have allegedly underpaid right here in America.
Eisner: Low pay? They should be paying me for the privilege of working
in any capacity for the Magic Kingdom. I don't like your attitude, young
man. This interview is over!
At that point, Eisner summoned security, and our reporter was physically
thrown out of the building. The local police were waiting outside, and arrested
him for "disorderly conduct" Our Chief Editor had to bail him out of jail.
Soon, The Michael Eisner Corporation will be producing cartoons featuring
Mikey Mouse. You read it here first.