NEW DAWN BIOTECH ADMITS THAT CHICK'N IS REAL
Encouraged by the public's lack of outcry over the featherless chicken
unveiled by Israeli geneticist, Avigdor Cahaner of the Hebrew University of
Jerusalem, New Dawn Biotech of Alberta, Canada has admitted
that its genetically engineered creature the Chick'n, is real. "Their
bird," said Dr. Norman Taurus, "is very low tech; simply a cross breed
of two birds. It is not any meatier then a chicken with feathers. In fact it has less meat on
its bones. Our Chick'n, originally developed for KFC, is far
superior. It has no beak feathers or feet, and very tiny bones so it is nearly
all meat. Our gene-splicers have truly created something capable of feeding the
Our Chick'n can not be free ranged. It must stay in
growing room to be fed and basted intravenously. The up side of this is that so many of then can be put into a small space. They simply
need to be propped up with their tubes connected. A Chick'n won't
even run around when you cut its head off, so when it is time to prepare a
Chick'n, just cut it up, pull out any of the bones you don't want, then cook or freeze it.
Our creation is perfect for tenders, nuggets,
sandwiches, and any other food application where bones are not desired. It is
also much juicier and tastier than an old style chicken. If you have
ordered chicken nuggets, tenders, sandwiches, or strips at any fast food outlet
, you probably have already eaten Chick'n, and didn't know it. Those dishes are
now juicier, tastier and fresher than ever thanks to modern science."
We asked Taurus about the chain
letter that had leaked the existence of Chick'n. This time, He was happy to
talk about it. "At first, the government would not allow our product to be
called chicken. We blame farmers for that. They are so old fashioned that they
fight anything new, and are a powerful lobby. For a while, they had people
convinced that we had created some kind of Frankenstein, but thanks to a recent
court ruling, restaurants are now free to simply call our product chicken."
He also told us that they were working on F'sh,
a fish substitute created by cutting a the best parts from actual fish, and
putting them into a dish filled with fetal calf blood, which causes the filets
to grow like living creatures. "When they get big enough, we cut them into
shapes that can easily be used for fish sticks, fish nuggets, fish sandwiches
and the like. F'sh would also be easier to package, since it could be grown and cut into any shape.
It might even grow in space so astronauts could have fresh food
even on long missions. We may still be a few years off on that one."