Encouraged by the public's lack of outcry over the featherless chicken unveiled by Israeli geneticist, Avigdor Cahaner of the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, New Dawn Biotech of Alberta, Canada has admitted that its genetically engineered creature the Chick'n, is real. "Their bird," said Dr. Norman Taurus, "is very low tech; simply a cross breed of two birds. It is not any meatier then a chicken with feathers. In fact it has less meat on its bones. Our Chick'n, originally developed for KFC, is far superior. It has no beak feathers or feet, and very tiny bones so it is nearly all meat. Our gene-splicers have truly created something capable of feeding the world.

Our Chick'n can not be free ranged. It must stay in growing room to be fed and basted intravenously. The up side of this is that so many of then can be put into a small space. They simply need to be propped up with their tubes connected. A Chick'n won't even run around when you cut its head off, so when it is time to prepare a Chick'n, just cut it up, pull out any of the bones you don't want, then cook or freeze it.

Our creation is perfect for tenders, nuggets, sandwiches, and any other food application where bones are not desired. It is also much juicier and tastier than an old style chicken.  If you have ordered chicken nuggets, tenders, sandwiches, or strips at any fast food outlet , you probably have already eaten Chick'n, and didn't know it. Those dishes are now juicier, tastier and fresher than ever thanks to modern science."

We asked Taurus about the chain letter that had leaked the existence of Chick'n. This time, He was happy to talk about it. "At first, the government would not allow our product to be called chicken. We blame farmers for that. They are so old fashioned that they fight anything new, and are a powerful lobby. For a while, they had people convinced that we had created some kind of Frankenstein, but thanks to a recent court ruling, restaurants are now free to simply call our product chicken."

He also told us that they were working on F'sh, a fish substitute created by cutting a the best parts from actual fish, and putting them into a dish filled with fetal calf blood, which causes the filets to grow like living creatures. "When they get big enough, we cut them into shapes that can easily be used for fish sticks, fish nuggets, fish sandwiches and the like. F'sh would also be easier to package, since it could be grown and cut into any shape. It might even grow in space so astronauts could have fresh food even on long missions. We may still be a few years off on that one."