We swear we are not making this up. Vice President Dick Cheney was the guest of honor at a fund-raiser for Congressman Ernie Fletcher, the GOP candidate for Governor of Kentucky. The event was held in Cincinnati, Ohio. You read that correctly; Ohio. That's the wrong state! Did Cheney flunk geography in school to the point where he does not know one state from another? Has Ernie Fletcher been in Washington so long that he has figuratively and literally forgotten where he came from?
A crowd of demonstrators handed out information about the location of Kentucky, and how it is another state entirely from Ohio. Many also protested the continuing war in Iraq, which Cheney spoke of at length, saying things like "American troops will remain in Iraq until all enemies of the United States are eliminated." By that reckoning, we will be there forever, as there are enemies of the United States all over the world, not just in Iraq. Also, you don't win friends or influence people by occupying their nations, so the enemies he spoke of will only multiply.
The event raised $150,000 for Fletcher and $70,000 for the Kentucky Republican Party. This kind of fund raising may be legal, but is it ethical? Candidates for federal offices are barred from taking donations from overseas contributors. Foreign nations are thus barred from unduly influencing the results of our elections. By this same reasoning, why should candidates for office in Kentucky be taking donations from Ohioans? Is Kentucky to be run from Columbus instead of its own Capitol, Frankfurt? Is Kentucky to be run from Washington? As a Kentuckian, I want to know these things!
I was able to get statements from Cheney and Fletcher spokesmen that they thought I wouldn't publish, but they will have to think again. Stan Weatherby from Cheney's office told me, "The Vice President doesn't have a problem telling Kentuckians how to vote, but he does have a problem with them. He had no intention of actually entering Kentucky, and God forbid having to shake hands with them. He might catch hick cooties!" John Parker from Fletcher's staff said, "One of the privileges of being a Congressman in Washington is that you rarely have to go back to Podunky and press flesh with the slack jawed yokels. Senator McConnell also enjoys this privilege greatly. As Governor, Ernie won't have to deal with the lowbrows much, because they all think that the Capitol is in Louisville, and constantly argue about how to pronounce the name of the city. Is it Loo-ee-vil or Lo-wah-vol?"
Here is an article from the Cincinnati Enquirer, and another to provide further proof that we did not make this story up.