GIANT BIRD TERRORIZES ALASKAN VILLAGERS
According to Alaskan villagers in Togiak and Manokotak, a
huge bird with a 14 foot wingspan has them horribly frightened. Scientists aren't sure what to make of the reports. No one doubts that people in the region west of Dillingham have seen a very large
raptor, but biologists and other people familiar with big Alaska birds say they're skeptical it's that big.
Some think that the bird is a Steller's Sea Eagle, a
species indigenous to Japan that may have flown to Alaska. The Steller's is a
large bird, but people's imaginations may be making it seem larger.
The Uncoveror suspects that this is not any variety of an eagle, but in fact, the infamous Kid Eating Bird of Southern California. "When I was a little kid in San Diego, three or four years old," said Martin Baines, currently a resident of Cincinnati, Ohio, "My Aunt Lucy told me that there was a giant kid eating bird. She told me that if I did not stop crying, he would hear me, and then I would be done for. I was terrified. For what must have been two weeks, I was not able to eat or sleep normally." He told us that he was a wreck until his grandfather told him that he knew which tree the bird lived in, and would kill it. He got his shotgun and went outside with the young boy. "He's hiding up in that tree," said the kindly old grandfather, pointing his rifle, and apparently pulled the trigger. Baines went on to tell us that his grandfather's rifle did not make a sound, but he was assured that this was because it had a silencer.
"When I was older and wiser," Baines said, "It occured to me that Aunt Lucy was just using a cruel trick to make me shut up, and Grandpa hadn't fired because there was no bird in that tree. I never thought about it again until I read about the giant bird in Alaska. The Kid Eating Bird is real! Something needs to be done about it. Think of the children. Who will protect the children?"
If the Kid Eating Bird of Southern California indeed loose in Alaska, it is a horror Martin Baines does not even want to imagine. Let us hope that it is just a Steller's Sea Eagle, and overactive imaginations.