NBC TO PRODUCE AWARDS SHOW AWARDS
NBC will be presenting a new awards show this November to honor great moments
in other awards shows. It will be called The First Annual Awards Show Awards.
Winners will be given a lead crystal statuette modeled after frequent Oscars
host Billy Crystal.
"There
have been some great moments each year in awards shows that deserve recognition,
and it would be a shame to let them continue to go unnoticed," said NBC
spokesman Martin Thompson. "The Oscars, The Emmys, The Tonys, The Grammys,
The Golden Globes, The People's Choice Awards, The Clios, The MTV Video Music
Awards, The Teen Choice Awards, the list goes on and on. Some of us just can't
get enough of this stuff. We will recognize Best Dressed Male and Female, Worst
dressed, Least dressed, Longest acceptance speech, Best envelope opening, best
use of the word 'Shtick' and many other fine categories."
We spoke to Producer Brandon Baines, who offered a different explanation of
the event. "NBC is out of ideas, and celebrities just love to dress up in
fancy clothes, flaunt their wealth, and kiss each other's asses. It will be
another example of Hollywood's self-absorption and self-worship. They also love
parties where the booze and drugs flow freely. There will be plenty of those.
Does anybody really want to see Conan O'Brien win the award for best use of the
word, 'fart' in an awards show? I doubt it. I would hope that even people who
watch reality shows and Jerry Springer aren't that stupid. The vast wasteland is
more vast than ever with the major broadcasters trying to compete with cable,
but they have the same old idiots trying to develop new ideas. They are
clueless."
When Thompson was made aware of Baines' comments, he had this to say.
"Well I never! I can't believe he would say such things, that pissy little
bitch. We were going to have him present the Billy for best musical/dance number in an awards
show, but now he can just forget it!"
Whether it will be must-see TV, or a pollution of the airwaves,
The Awards
Show Awards will air after the conclusion of the World Series.